Yes everybody, Rachel's alive.

I miss my friends, more than words can say. I feel so far from everybody, it kinda scares me. It's my fault though, and I'm sorry. I just want you all to know that even though I'm 'invisible,' I think about you guys all the time.

Just an update..
He calls me every night. And texts me every morning. He got a car and drives here every weekend. He demands to take me to work and pick me up. I refuse. He calls me randomly so he can 'stop by.' If he calls and I tell him I'll call him right back, he asks a million questions. Why? What are you doing? Who are you with? Where are you? If we go out to dinner, it isn't enough. What are we doing now? It's only ten. You don't need sleep. He calls me on Tuesday and tells me he bought me a plane ticket for Friday. When I say no, he gets mad. He doesn't understand how suffocated I feel. And I don't have the heart to tell him. So instead I carry it around. It's not the kind of weight you carry on your back or your shoulders though. It's like a seed, like a twinge burrowed inside my chest. It's always there. The more I ignore it, the deeper it goes and the bigger it gets. It makes me cry sometimes. I feel trapped, yet at the same time I feel like I'm the one being ridiculous. I know it's not right that I can't tell him these things, but he won't understand. I had a bad day today, because I couldn't talk to you... You're the only person that calms me down... I'm not angry when I'm with you... I'm so happy right now, you make me so happy... I'll drive here every weekend if that's what it takes, because I want to make this work... You're the only person I can talk to about these things... You're a factor in every decision I make... I can't imagine myself being happy if you're not in my life in some way... I honestly don't think I can ever feel the way I feel about you about anybody else... Everytime I look at the stars I think about you...

I don't know what to do.