I'm here, kinda.

Do you ever look around and say to yourself, "What the hell are you doing?!" I do that a lot. Especially with school. I don't do my homework and I rarely go to class. Everytime I miss a homework assignment or a class, I have pangs of anxiety and I know I'm doing the wrong thing, but I do it anyways and push the panic away. I don't know what I'm going to do. I think the hole I've dug for this semester might already be too big to crawl out of. I wonder so often what happened to little Rachel, Miss straight-A, Miss teacher's pet, Miss I-always-have-something-to-say. Now I sit quietly in class and usually sleep or consume myself in thoughts that have nothing to do with class. I know she's still in there somewhere, I just need to dig a little deeper and readjust my focus.